I wanted to say thank you to all of my readers that have left such sweet words of encouragement for me and my family. That is why I love my blog so much. So many people from around the country or even world reach out to let you know they care. It truly touches my heart!
Thank you to all of my wonderful friends that are here locally that have offered their love and support as well. Sadly, there are so many women out there that go through a miscarriage or something similar and it is comforting to know we can all support each other.
Lastly, a big thank you to my family. I don't know where I would be without my parents and in-laws. My mom has listened to me cry for the last week and been a huge support for me. Thank you so much. I know some of you may have in-laws that you don't care for or get along with but I'm lucky and have the best ever!! If only we were closer to them.
My husband has been the biggest support for me through all of this. He's such a giving and caring person and I'm so grateful to have him in my life. Matt has helped me work through this and been so patient with me. He truly has a heart of gold. I love you all.
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Now, to keep myself busy this last week and my mind off things I decided to paint the kids bathroom. My husband's least favorite thing to do! But I've done all the painting by myself this time. I'm almost finished with the bathroom and it's going to look awesome. I can't wait to show you all. Stay tuned!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
A Name Given
This last week has been difficult for me to overcome the sadness of losing our child. I am getting better each day and some days are more difficult than others. I had a great conversation today at church with someone who has been through losing a child. It was very comforting for me to hear words of encouragement.
I mentioned to my friend that I wish I could know what the sex of the baby was so that I wouldn't have to call the baby just "baby" or refer to the baby as "it". On the way home from church I told Matt I wanted to name the baby and he suggested picking a name that was unisex since we didn't know if the baby was a boy or girl. That felt like a good idea and the right thing to do.
So after much thought this afternoon and speaking with Matt we decided on the name
Taylor Reese Young
It fits, it flows, and it feels good! By choosing a name it comforts me so much. Naming this child brings me peace and I feel even closer to Heavenly Father. Just like any other child that is born, this one too deserves a name. Taylor is a part of our family and was with us for a short time. I long for the day when I will see him or her again.
We will remember April 17th as the day that we lost Taylor and November 26th as Taylor's birthday. I'm still sticking to my guns that was my due date.
This Easter I am especially grateful that Jesus died for us. I am grateful for eternal families and that we will all be together again someday. I know that prayer and faith will get me through this difficult time. I love the words to one of my favorite hymns "I Know That My Redeemer Lives"
He lives to grant me rich supply.
He lives to guide me with his eye.
He lives to comfort me when faint.
He lives to hear my soul's complaint.
He lives to silence all my fears.
He lives to wipe away my tears.
He lives to calm my troubled heart.
He lives all blessings to impart.
I mentioned to my friend that I wish I could know what the sex of the baby was so that I wouldn't have to call the baby just "baby" or refer to the baby as "it". On the way home from church I told Matt I wanted to name the baby and he suggested picking a name that was unisex since we didn't know if the baby was a boy or girl. That felt like a good idea and the right thing to do.
So after much thought this afternoon and speaking with Matt we decided on the name
Taylor Reese Young
It fits, it flows, and it feels good! By choosing a name it comforts me so much. Naming this child brings me peace and I feel even closer to Heavenly Father. Just like any other child that is born, this one too deserves a name. Taylor is a part of our family and was with us for a short time. I long for the day when I will see him or her again.
We will remember April 17th as the day that we lost Taylor and November 26th as Taylor's birthday. I'm still sticking to my guns that was my due date.
This Easter I am especially grateful that Jesus died for us. I am grateful for eternal families and that we will all be together again someday. I know that prayer and faith will get me through this difficult time. I love the words to one of my favorite hymns "I Know That My Redeemer Lives"
He lives to grant me rich supply.
He lives to guide me with his eye.
He lives to comfort me when faint.
He lives to hear my soul's complaint.
He lives to silence all my fears.
He lives to wipe away my tears.
He lives to calm my troubled heart.
He lives all blessings to impart.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Trials
On March 30th Matt and I found out that we were expecting our 3rd child. This was a complete shock to us since we were not trying for a 3rd child. If anything the months of February and March are off limits to conceive a child. Matt and Levi's birthday's are December 3rd and 4th and our anniversary is December 11th. What were we thinking????
Prior to finding out that I was pregnant on March 30th I had already taken 5 pregnancy tests and they were all negative!! I thought something was wrong with me because since I stopped taking my birth control last fall my cycles had been very irregular and in March I didn't even have a period. So off to the doctor I went not expecting to hear that I was pregnant. But nonetheless we were excited for the news.
It was still too early on March 30th to see anything on the sono so I went back on April 13th. There it was....a tiny little peanut. The heart was beating and it looked good. It was all very real at that moment. We didn't want to tell anyone too early for fear of the worst happening. None of our family knew that I was pregnant except for our parents and Matt's cousin whom we just saw this past weekend.
My doctor said I was only 5 weeks along and that my due date was December 9th. I honestly think that she was wrong. Seeing as how I was the one present for the conception of the child I figured my due date to be November 26th. That would put me at about 7 1/2-8 weeks pregnant. In pregnancy terms that's a big difference but since the baby was only measuring at 5 weeks that's what my doctor said.
This past Sunday morning I started to bleed. It wasn't just a little bit either. It was a lot. Having had 2 normal pregnancies before, this was not normal for me. I spoke with the on-call doctor at the office of my normal doctor. He informed me that it probably wasn't a good sign. The bleeding continued all day and into Monday.
Yesterday we went to my doctor and it was as expected, I had a miscarriage. I have cried for 3 days and I'm not sure when I will stop. My pain is so great right now. I thought for some reason I was exempt from having miscarriages because apparently I'm "fertile mertile" and my husband looks my way and I'm knocked up!! I thought this sort of thing only happens to people with fertility issues. But I was wrong!
I don't know if it would have made a difference in how I feel but maybe this process would have been easier had I not seen a heartbeat just 4 days prior. For me, from the moment I find out I'm pregnant my "motherly protection" mode kicks in. I don't sleep on my stomach, I protect my stomach from any sort of bumps or kicks from the kids as much as possible, and I try to limit myself as to how much I try to do for the first few months. I did everything I've always done. But this time it didn't work. Did I sleep wrong? Did I eat the wrong food? Did I over-do it and do too much? Did I bend over wrong? This is what my mind wrestles with every day.
I know this isn't my fault but I can't help but feel it is. I know I won't feel that way eventually but for now it's how I feel. I feel empty, pain, hurt, sadness, anger, frustration, depressed, and lonely. I long for the child that will never be in this life. I know that Heavenly Father needed that child more than me. He needed that child to be with him for whatever reason. I will come to appreciate that soon enough.
I feel that He wants to send me the perfect child and maybe that child wasn't perfect and it was His way of protecting us. I have to have faith and remember that everything happens for a reason. I have to know and remember that Heavenly Father has a plan for our family. This child might not have been alive for very long but it was a part of me. I was connected to it and loved it already.
We will try to have another child when we feel the time is right. Heavenly Father knows our desires for our family. I look at my two beautiful boys with so much more love than I already had for them. I am grateful that they made it here to Earth and I am allowed to be their mother.
My pain will subside soon enough. I have the comfort of knowing that I will see that child again someday. I post this to help with moving on. This has always been another way of getting my feelings out. But I do ask that if you read this and if you see me please do not ask me for more details. Not right now anyway. I have said everything I want to say here so that way I don't have to cry 5000 more times if people ask. I just don't want to have to explain everything and cry more.
Matt has been so wonderful through all of this. He is an amazing husband and support for me. I love him so much. Our family is closer and stronger because of this trial.
Now I must go and do some sort of project to keep my mind occupied. Have a great week!
Prior to finding out that I was pregnant on March 30th I had already taken 5 pregnancy tests and they were all negative!! I thought something was wrong with me because since I stopped taking my birth control last fall my cycles had been very irregular and in March I didn't even have a period. So off to the doctor I went not expecting to hear that I was pregnant. But nonetheless we were excited for the news.
It was still too early on March 30th to see anything on the sono so I went back on April 13th. There it was....a tiny little peanut. The heart was beating and it looked good. It was all very real at that moment. We didn't want to tell anyone too early for fear of the worst happening. None of our family knew that I was pregnant except for our parents and Matt's cousin whom we just saw this past weekend.
My doctor said I was only 5 weeks along and that my due date was December 9th. I honestly think that she was wrong. Seeing as how I was the one present for the conception of the child I figured my due date to be November 26th. That would put me at about 7 1/2-8 weeks pregnant. In pregnancy terms that's a big difference but since the baby was only measuring at 5 weeks that's what my doctor said.
This past Sunday morning I started to bleed. It wasn't just a little bit either. It was a lot. Having had 2 normal pregnancies before, this was not normal for me. I spoke with the on-call doctor at the office of my normal doctor. He informed me that it probably wasn't a good sign. The bleeding continued all day and into Monday.
Yesterday we went to my doctor and it was as expected, I had a miscarriage. I have cried for 3 days and I'm not sure when I will stop. My pain is so great right now. I thought for some reason I was exempt from having miscarriages because apparently I'm "fertile mertile" and my husband looks my way and I'm knocked up!! I thought this sort of thing only happens to people with fertility issues. But I was wrong!
I don't know if it would have made a difference in how I feel but maybe this process would have been easier had I not seen a heartbeat just 4 days prior. For me, from the moment I find out I'm pregnant my "motherly protection" mode kicks in. I don't sleep on my stomach, I protect my stomach from any sort of bumps or kicks from the kids as much as possible, and I try to limit myself as to how much I try to do for the first few months. I did everything I've always done. But this time it didn't work. Did I sleep wrong? Did I eat the wrong food? Did I over-do it and do too much? Did I bend over wrong? This is what my mind wrestles with every day.
I know this isn't my fault but I can't help but feel it is. I know I won't feel that way eventually but for now it's how I feel. I feel empty, pain, hurt, sadness, anger, frustration, depressed, and lonely. I long for the child that will never be in this life. I know that Heavenly Father needed that child more than me. He needed that child to be with him for whatever reason. I will come to appreciate that soon enough.
I feel that He wants to send me the perfect child and maybe that child wasn't perfect and it was His way of protecting us. I have to have faith and remember that everything happens for a reason. I have to know and remember that Heavenly Father has a plan for our family. This child might not have been alive for very long but it was a part of me. I was connected to it and loved it already.
We will try to have another child when we feel the time is right. Heavenly Father knows our desires for our family. I look at my two beautiful boys with so much more love than I already had for them. I am grateful that they made it here to Earth and I am allowed to be their mother.
My pain will subside soon enough. I have the comfort of knowing that I will see that child again someday. I post this to help with moving on. This has always been another way of getting my feelings out. But I do ask that if you read this and if you see me please do not ask me for more details. Not right now anyway. I have said everything I want to say here so that way I don't have to cry 5000 more times if people ask. I just don't want to have to explain everything and cry more.
Matt has been so wonderful through all of this. He is an amazing husband and support for me. I love him so much. Our family is closer and stronger because of this trial.
Now I must go and do some sort of project to keep my mind occupied. Have a great week!
Monday, April 11, 2011
Our 1st garden
We are lucky in our neighborhood to have a large backyard. It's one of the reasons we bought this house. We've always wanted to put a vegetable garden in the very back but for whatever reason we haven't. Until this year.
With rising food prices we figured now is the time to do it since things are getting any cheaper. Matt found someone on craigslist that had a bunch of wood that they were giving away for free. He loaded it up and brought it home. He cut the pieces to the size he wanted and voila...we have a garden box. Matt filled the box up with soil and planted seeds. A few weeks later this is what we have:
Click on each picture to see closer
Planted in the back 4 rows are peas. The two bigger plants are tomatoes. In the big empty space are potatoes. They haven't come up yet.
In the containers we have blueberries and raspberries. Not sure which one is which though. In the ground we have squash.
In the five piles in the front we have more squash. The plants have sprouted up so these aren't as big as the other squash plant. And the two piles in the back are watermelon. I'm so excited for watermelon!!!
And these are our strawberries. We have another container of strawberries not pictured. We probably won't get much from these this year but next year we should get more.
I plan on canning as much of what we get as possible. If we do get anything. Our kids love watering the plants each day and seeing the plants grow. Now just to get them to eat these vegetables. Ha! Easier said than done.
With rising food prices we figured now is the time to do it since things are getting any cheaper. Matt found someone on craigslist that had a bunch of wood that they were giving away for free. He loaded it up and brought it home. He cut the pieces to the size he wanted and voila...we have a garden box. Matt filled the box up with soil and planted seeds. A few weeks later this is what we have:
Click on each picture to see closer
Planted in the back 4 rows are peas. The two bigger plants are tomatoes. In the big empty space are potatoes. They haven't come up yet.
In the containers we have blueberries and raspberries. Not sure which one is which though. In the ground we have squash.
In the five piles in the front we have more squash. The plants have sprouted up so these aren't as big as the other squash plant. And the two piles in the back are watermelon. I'm so excited for watermelon!!!
And these are our strawberries. We have another container of strawberries not pictured. We probably won't get much from these this year but next year we should get more.
I plan on canning as much of what we get as possible. If we do get anything. Our kids love watering the plants each day and seeing the plants grow. Now just to get them to eat these vegetables. Ha! Easier said than done.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
The longest project EVER!!
So I had an idea on how to get more storage in our house. This idea started in October of last year. I looked on craigslist and after a few weeks of looking I found what I wanted.
I wanted to put a buffet in the dining room that would hold toys and other things that really didn't have a home. I found a buffet that was a great deal and it was still available. So Matt went and picked it up and brought it home. It was a big ol' thang...solid wood too! She had curves and sexy legs! Look at em'!
Let's face it. Paint doesn't work well in cold temps and I wasn't about to go out and paint in the freezing cold garage. So now that it's warmer here I got to work. Plus, my husband pretty much demanded he be able to park in the garage again before summer or else.
I've been workin' my bootay off for the past 3 weeks to get this thing done. I'm just such a perfectionist that if there is a single thing wrong I must start over...MUST!! But nonetheless, she is all done. Finally!! Here she is in all her glory!
I put this beautiful shelf paper in all the drawers and on the shelves. My heart goes pitter patter when I open the drawers.
I can honestly say I did this 100% by myself. This is my baby! It might have taken me 6 months to complete but she's all done. I am on the lookout for the perfect lamps to put beside the candles. Also, I will be adding a mirror behind the plant. So imagine the lamps and a mirror there too. On to the next project now.
Colors: Top is Minwax Dark Walnut
Bottom half is Valspar Swiss Coffee from Lowe's
Shelf paper from Target
I wanted to put a buffet in the dining room that would hold toys and other things that really didn't have a home. I found a buffet that was a great deal and it was still available. So Matt went and picked it up and brought it home. It was a big ol' thang...solid wood too! She had curves and sexy legs! Look at em'!
Let's face it. Paint doesn't work well in cold temps and I wasn't about to go out and paint in the freezing cold garage. So now that it's warmer here I got to work. Plus, my husband pretty much demanded he be able to park in the garage again before summer or else.
I've been workin' my bootay off for the past 3 weeks to get this thing done. I'm just such a perfectionist that if there is a single thing wrong I must start over...MUST!! But nonetheless, she is all done. Finally!! Here she is in all her glory!
I put this beautiful shelf paper in all the drawers and on the shelves. My heart goes pitter patter when I open the drawers.
I can honestly say I did this 100% by myself. This is my baby! It might have taken me 6 months to complete but she's all done. I am on the lookout for the perfect lamps to put beside the candles. Also, I will be adding a mirror behind the plant. So imagine the lamps and a mirror there too. On to the next project now.
Colors: Top is Minwax Dark Walnut
Bottom half is Valspar Swiss Coffee from Lowe's
Shelf paper from Target
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